Off the Road to Compostela: The Fruitful Friar

The Fruitful Friar

Brother Symposius (real name Honoré de Gourmand) is a French Magic-User from Picardy playing the long con of masquerading as a friar. So long, in fact, that aside from his secret lack of Faith there is scarcely anything telling him apart from the real thing. He has the belly, the hair, the habit, the fondness for good wine and cheese, the less than perfect Latin, the bits of folksy wisdom anyone could get behind, the perfect practiced balance of joviality and distance - through them, this godless man has made a better monk than true devotion ever could.

Brother Symposius: unarmored, Move 120', 2nd Level Magic-User, dagger 1d4, morale 9. Knows three random spells plus Bathed every Veyne in Swich Licour, casts with Weird Magic System rules, can cast while holding a cross, in the manner of a Cleric

The Fruitful Friar drives a cart pulled by a donkey, loaded with spirits of above average quality of his own creation. He will sell them or trade them, though he will not part with his entire supply. He is willing to offer a free sample to anyone who makes a good enough impression. His wine has helped him make quick friends along the road, and as such he is likely to have stories and rumors of other notorious pilgrims.

The Fruitful Friar's wagon will also contain concealed supplies stolen from groups of parched adventurers previously met.

Bathed every Veyne in Swich Licour - Magic-User level 1, Duration: See Below, Range: 60'

This spell renders everyone but the spellcaster who has even a single drop of an intoxicant within the next hour, or has had one in the past 24 hours, absolutely, comically, cosmically shitfaced within one round. Their Dexterity and Attack Bonus are reduced by 4 and Saves and Armor are reduced by 2. If trying to resist the effect, they will instead act as if affected by a Chaos spell. This lasts for 2d4 rounds, after which the real fun begins (the penalties to Dex, AB, Saves and Armor remain; characters are always Surprised on the first round of combat):

Off the Friar's wagon (1d8)

1 Attacks the nearest person

2 Acts as if hopelessly devoted, platonically or otherwise, to the nearest person

3 Evacuates bodily fluids in every imaginable way

4 A near-comatose sleep only broken by Magic

5 A sleepwalking state in which the character is highly suggestible and prone to reveal secrets

6 Acts in an amorous way towards the nearest non-humanoid living being (vegetable or animal)

7 Idyllic Visions: believes himself to be in a locus amoenus surrounded by all he finds pleasurable. He will begin talking at length, to others or to himself, describing the place in great detail

8 Delirium Tremens: horrific visions of unassailable doom plague the character, who flees in a random direction on a successful Morale check, or otherwise curls up on the floor and rocks back and forth babbling of pleas and despair

This second stage lasts for 1d8 turns (full success on a Save vs Magic), 2d6 hours (partial success) or 1d6 days (failure), after which an Intelligence check is necessary to remember anything specific about what has transpired.